Kat here! I’ve been teaching music in Cookeville, TN since 2009. I started Kat Starr Music because I really couldn’t stomach some of the ways I’ve seen others approach teaching music.
Personally, I went through my higher education seeing how shame wove itself into the wallpaper of my schooling. And I understood on an instinctual level that this wasn’t just unnecessary, but actually hindered students’ progress!
So when I started my business, I knew that I wanted to forge a new path. One where students feel comfortable asking questions and trying new things. Shame makes us contract, Connection helps us expand.
As my business has grown, I’ve had the privilege of working alongside folks who have the hearts of natural teachers. My role is shifting to one of supporting them and making sure I communicate my teaching values and this is one of our 3 core values. (More on that to come!)
So below, I’ve written my understanding on the role of shame in teaching as part of how I explain it to my teachers, and I want to share it here too. I hope you enjoy and if you connect with this message, I encourage you to reach out and book a lesson with us. See how enjoyable (and fast!) shame-free learning can be!
xoxo,
Kat
WE TEACH WITHOUT SHAME
This is incredibly important. I have met too many people who left music because of the shaming nature of the “instruction” they received from revered teachers. I personally know musicians with PTSD from their higher education, folks that can’t get their instrument out of the case without breaking into a cold sweat.
There seems to be this idea that students must be “broken down” to be built back up again. This often comes in the form of a teacher telling you you’re not good enough or making shaming comments, as if these things will help a student feel *safe* enough to try new things! It’s no small wonder so many people leave formal music instruction!
Unfortunately, shaming was too big a part of my musical upbringing. And it made me clam up and not feel safe enough to try new things for too many years. It has been my deep desire to do better with my own students, and all our students here at Kat Starr Music.
All of our teachers have their own music-shame stories, and all of us know on a deep level that this is not the best way to teach. It makes our students close in on themselves, rather than expanding into new skills.
We know that the best learning comes when students
Feel safe
Have trust in their instructor
Are applauded for what they do well, and
Are guided at their own pace towards improvement.
So much of this comes down to Nervous System regulation. Through my learning on nervous systems the last few years, one thing has become very evident: Our nervous system has ONE job - to keep us alive. And the easiest (least energetically expensive) way for our bodies to keep us alive is to only let us do things we’ve done before.
Soooo the minute we try a new thing, however benign it may be, our nervous system freaks out! It sounds all the alarms! Adrenaline pumps into your system, your heart beats faster, you might feel shaky, all of these are signs that your body is trying to keep you safe! This is the Fight or Flight response, and it may sound extra to you, but this is what happens internally when we try new things!
Even though we’re just trying a new scale, fingering, or vocal technique, it can feel to our bodies as though we are unsafe! We know learning new things can be challenging in allll the ways, so we try to make it as comfortable as possible. After all, we’ve been there!
As you embark on your musical journey with us, I want you to know that:
We don’t expect you to get things perfect.
We don’t expect you to know anything about music - that’s our job!
You’ll never be shamed for what you don’t know - it’s our job to teach you!
We won’t hurry you - we want you to play slowly so you can play/sing with relaxation, and we want you to absorb information at your own rate.
I have seen this approach work with hundreds of musicians over the years. Often, I’ll get students who want to study with me in order to reclaim their relationship with music and with themselves. It is humbling work that I’m proud to do.
In fact, my shining example of that is Ms. Paige. Paige first came to me as a student in 2018 with a singular goal: to help her enjoy music again. She had been a music student a TTU and had the joy of it shamed out of her. I helped her learn how to move at her own pace, reduce her tension while playing, and gain a sense of self-acceptance around music.
Now, Paige has been teaching for me for several years and brings out the musician in all her students. It’s a true joy to see!
I’ve seen education from both perspectives and I have seen time and time again how quickly and easily musical concepts can be learned when taught in an open, shame-free, and fun environment. And how musicians of all ages fail to flourish inside shame systems.
We hope you’ll come learn with us. But no matter where you take lessons, I hope you accept nothing less than unconditional support from your instructure. You are already a musician, and you deserve a shame-free relationship with music.